Saturday, April 30, 2011

Stumble of the Day

Now that I've decided to blog not just because I have a helluva lot of things I want to say, but also as a writing tool (whether it's to keep me writing even when I'm blocked on my oeuvre or able to be used later when I'm *crossed fingers* published) I've been paying a lot more attention to the Internet in general, mostly because I've decided to be more a part of it then leaving comments on my friends Facebook pages.

No one starts a blog bcause they don't want someone to read it. Right?

So I troll the World Wide Web via StumbleUpon. Partly because I can select what I'm interested in seeing and partly because when I tried to stumble around Blogger in a similarly haphazard fashion I kept getting blogs about Jesus or blogs written by extremely patriotic Vietnamese teenagers. StumbleUpon is convenient and allows me to like stuff I can sort through later to see if I want to read or research something I was for the 10 seconds I glanced at it, extremely interested in. I'd like to become one of those nifty people who reads blogs all the time so StumbleUpon helps me discover blogs I might not otherwise because my desires have yet to supercede my ability to be really, really lazy.

Which leads me to the Stumble of the Day!!! Today's Stumble is brought to you by The Wondrous and if you visit the site right this minute you will be treated to a bevvy of bikini clad babes bearing bare bellies*. So hurry or just search their site for bikini babes via their search function. It's wondrous.

*I just love alliteration, don't you?


Read more >>

Friday, April 29, 2011

Backstory #2 - Love. A brief history.

I'm currently 33 years old, which means at some point between June and August it will be the 21st anniversary of my first teenage love affair. His name was Joshua C. and he had ginger coloured hair and loads of freckles. He was a peer counselor at the summer camp I went to for a couple weeks during the summer of my 12th birthday and I liked him so much that during the camp talent show I wore a poodle skirt and sang Madonna [badly] to woo him. We lived in the same city and wrote letters, but one day our correspondence stopped.

I was broken hearted. Given how long heartache can last at the tender age of 12 I proved to be amazingly resilient thanks to an always J. Crew or Ralph Lauren clad Argentian boy named Tomas H. who had longish hair and clear green eyes and a smile he never once beamed in my direction. Heartache for Joshua was now longing for Tomas.

Many other heartaches later and now 18 I ran into Joshua again. He was dating my friend and almost immediately I figured out that I'd dodged a major bullet. The first time we were alone together to catch up on the past five years he spent ten minutes telling me how he liked to fuck my friend Brandy in the ass - when she took a shower first. The boy I'd crushed on and given some of my very first kisses to grew up to be a dick.

I never said I love you to Joshua. I told my friends I was in love because that's what you do at the age of 12. You obsess about your boobs and your period and going to the mall and the boys you let kiss you and maybe cop a feel. You obsess and you call it love because to me it was love. I was a moron. I thought that was what love was back then- a few feelings, a few kisses, a few trips to the movies, and then a love that would last forever.

Love turned out to be nothing like what I thought it would be. After years of hoping to meet my special someone and fall in love I did. Then we fell out of love.  Then I met someone else and another someone else and so on until finally I met the person and now wisely I don't care to meet anyone else ever again!

All kidding aside for me there was a definite day where I felt something just sort of clicked into place.

If you've ever dislocated something and had it relocated (hopefully after being injected with very powerful narcotics because it does fucking hurt) that is the best way to describe it. One day there was a click and I just knew I was with the person I most wanted to be with in all the world and all those things I once told myself about there not being someone out there in the world just for me was just because I was afraid that one day I would want a future with someone and wouldn't find somebody.

As someone who has found their somebody, please let me offer you a little advice that I sometimes wish someone had given me a long time ago. It doesn't matter if you have things in common or if the timing is right or if you wait eight dates to fuck his brains out or eight minutes. All that matters is that you and your someone have a love between you that stays alive no matter what kind of shit you, her, him, them, or life chucks at you.

I wish I could tell you the how part, but there is no how. Sorry.

(And no, I didn't try to sound like Yoda on purpose.)



Read more >>

Superman is no longer American.

I am a massive comic book fan and have been ever since I was four years old and went around with aluminum foil taped to my wrists and a paper crown on my head à la Wonder Woman. She was my favourite superhero for many years and then I sort of forgot her until I grew old enough to afford comic books and started reading X-Men, The Fantastic Four, The Green Lantern, The Flash, and all the other comics I discovered in my thirty year love affair with the art form.

But I must confess I've never been a fan of Superman. While I can appreciate "The Man of Steel" as a superhero, Kal-El/Clark Kent/Superman never appealed to me. When I became engrossed in the JLA comics all I could think was despite all his invincibleness and speed and strength and buffness he still wasn't The Green Lantern. He wasn't even the second or third or fourth best member of The Justice League! (IMHO)(The H is for humble.)

First off Superman isn't invincible. There's Kryptonite to deal with and lead and magic and psionics and his dependency on a certain female reporter.

Secondly he's not that fast either. In the World's Finest #198-199 Superman races The Flash (Barry Allen, Silver Age) and Superman is forced to admit that The Flash is the fastest man alive...on this planet (Earth).


 
Overall Superman vs. The Flash would leave it at 2-0-2 before Barry Allen died saving the Multiverse in The Crisis of Infinite Earths (1985).

hen Barry Allen is resurrected in 2009 they have it out again and The Flash beats Supes in an actual foot race. Easily. Knowing The Flash he probably chewed gum leisurely and had time to hit on a few ladies while he gave Supes a chance to catch up. Supe lovers can get into all the debates they want but while atmospheres may be different from world to world, it doesn't change the fact that The Flash can manipulate the very atoms of his body which essentially boils down to manual teleportation, which even someone as fast as a speeding bullet can't do even on their best day.

Now in strength Superman has a little more ground to stand on. The Hulk was bested by Superman and The Hulk is the strongest mortal on Earth. But let's not forget Superman isn't invincible. Doomsday managed to kill him and he isn't the only one. In fact any superhero with either enough magic, lead, or Kryptonite could do the job. Heaven forbid post crisis 1985 Superman were to meet up with say Dr. Manhattan (Watchmen) or Thor (as he is a god and all). Superman isn't as badass as he used to be.

Still even I have to concede that in buffness Superman isn't a bad choice as far as superheroes are concerned. He certainly does fill out a pair of tights and there were moments in the JLA that Supes proved he wasn't just a perfectly square-jawed face...

I didn't read Superman because there were so many other comic books I want(ed) to read and I just never liked him enough, in fact I liked him so little I considered Superman my least favourite of all the more popular comic book superheroes. I didn't think I could like him any less until...

The day I read on Google News that Superman had renounced his U.S. citizenship. Not because he saw the current situation in America for the bullshit it is, but because after showing up to support protestors in Tehran he inadvertently started a war because he is such an icon of America that the Iranians see it as an act of war. Supes denounced his citizenship at the U.N. (thus providing more evidence that the U.N. is actually the U.S.) and has decided to stop thinking locally and act globally.

WTF???!!!???

With the new Superman reboot coming out (with the hot guy from The Tudors as Supes) and all the other comic book movies being spit out by Hollywood (the best of recent memory obviously being ZS' The Watchmen), this is (obviously) another marketing ploy to rake in the big bucks internationally. When even stars of such calibre (or after The Rite is this statement no longer true? Hmmm...) as SIR Anthony Hopkins, Dame Helen Mirren, and other great actors not from the UK are now starring in films based on comic books it has to be obvious to comic book fans and non-comic book fans alike that DC Comics sold out Superman to sell more tickets.

But given that Superman is supposed to represent "the American way", maybe it was more in character than Goyer and Sepulveda realised. Which is very, very, very sad.

So no Superman as much as I dislike you as a comic book character, I don't think that you should have shafted the American people being such a symbol of hope and all.




Read more >>

Thursday, April 28, 2011

An Open Letter to Chuck Lorre - Re: Sheldon and the Tardis



Dear Mr. Lorre,


My name is ______- ______  ______. I have a Master's Degree and two Ph.D.'s from the ______ ______ of _______ in Electrical Engineering, Robotics, and Artificial Intelligence and an I.Q. of 177. My friends have classified me as being a sort of Super Wolowitz, but I like to think of myself as an ideal Sheldon-Leonard hybrid. Sheldon's brains and love of Dr. Who meets Leonard's social skills and mother issues. I support my claim to being a Sheldon-Leonard hybrid with this very letter. Not only do I obviously possess Leonard's ability to follow normal every day social protocols such as letter writing, but I also comprehend why Sheldon would wake up at 6 o'clock in the morning to watch Dr. Who.  In fact it is because of Dr. Who that I am writing to you.


I find it incredulous that after four solid seasons of solid comedic output that you have yet to create an episode where Sheldon meets The Doctor and after this meeting The Doctor takes Sheldon to a date in the future (at a date in which the original Sheldon would no longer be living). 

Once there Sheldon discovers it is possible to upload his brain to a computer.  Sheldon must then decide - does he help The Doctor defeat the Plastic Men or does he steal the technology to upload his brain to a computer now knowing that he will not live to see it possible?  There is naturally a logical choice, but you Sir are the Captain of the U.S.S. Big Bang Theory. You've got the bridge.

While I fully expect The Big Bang Theory to continue on decades into the future (as Firefly should have but there were those who failed to see Joss Whedon's true genius), I do not know how much longer I can wait.  If Leonard, Howard, Raj, and Sheldon can buy a time machine on eBay for $800.00 then surely Sheldon can encounter The Doctor.

Mr. Lorre!! Mr. Lorre!! Mr. Lorre!!

Please do a Dr. Who episode of The Big Bang Theory. It would bring so much happiness to the universe.

Sincerely yours,

_____ - _____  _______


P.S. Sorry I suck at Photoshop.

Read more >>

Geek Out - How to show summaries of posts in Blogger

I'm only posting this because A) I couldn't find where Blogger put the thing where you can chose to summarise posts (I tend to be long-winded, so I wanted to be able to show just a certain amount of each posts) and B) It's so simple and can be slightly modified easily. If Blogger has this available somewhere and I'm not just remembering it from my days as a Wordpress user (sorry WP but w/Blogger you don't have to do your own SEO). If it's available on Blogger please leave me a comment as to where, because I couldn't find it.

If you like the look of the summary of my posts, here is what you do:

1. Go to New Post > Edit HTML
2. Find " /head. Highlight it.
3. Cut and paste the following:

<script type='text/javascript'>
var thumbnail_mode = &quot;float&quot; ;
summary_noimg = 230;
summary_img = 140;
img_thumb_height = 100;
img_thumb_width = 100;
</script>
<script src='http://blogergadgets.googlecode.com/files/excerpt.js' type='text/javascript'/>
</head>

4. Find
<data:post.body/>

5. Replace with the following:

<b:if cond='data:blog.pageType == &quot;item&quot;'>
<data:post.body/>
<b:else/>
<b:if cond='data:blog.pageType == &quot;static_page&quot;'>
<data:post.body/>
<b:else/>
<div expr:id='&quot;summary&quot; + data:post.id'>
<data:post.body/>
</div>
<script type='text/javascript'>
createSummaryAndThumb(&quot;summary<data:post.id/>&quot;);
</script>
<div style='clear: both;'/>
<span style='padding-top:5px;;float:right;text-align:right;'><a expr:href='data:post.url' rel='bookmark'><b>Read more >></b></a></span>
</b:if>
</b:if>

6. Now to edit the number of characters you show in the summary PC users Control-F 230.

7. You should find 230 within this code:

summary_noimg = 230;
summary_img = 140;
img_thumb_height = 100;
img_thumb_width = 100;

8. If you want to edit how much text shows in the summar play with the noimg (meaning summaries for posts with no images) and img (meaning summaries for posts with images) numbers. The img_thumb_height/width= will allow you to adjust the size of the thumbnails that will show in the summary with posts that contain images

Things I haven't figured out - if/how the thumbnails will work for the summaries if there are multiple images in the post, how to make it possible to change the font for the "read more" link, how to keep the breaks and other font formatting in the summary bit as they are in the original post. Also I'm not sure how it impacts site satistics (but I am sure that I don't really care). If I discover any of this stuff out or any of the other little bits for this, I'll update
Read more >>

A Recipe (for life) from Zelda Fitzgerald




Zelda Fitzgeral was dubbed by her husband the writer F. Scott Fitzgerald (The Great Gatsby, Tender is the Night) as "the first American flapper" and is (or should be) for any aspiring flâneuse-eur a sort of inspiration. Any aspiring flâneuse-eur would be flattered to be the embodiment of an entire era in history. Non? 

After her husband's success with the novel This Side of Paradise, the Fitzgeralds were nearly instant celebrities. Zelda had always welcomed the limelight, and welcomed the invitations and the parties - the jazz and the gin.

The Fitzgeralds were, colloquially speaking, drunks. An early version of Bonnie and Clyde except instead of robbing and stealing the Fitzgeralds drank to excess, took naps in chic Upper East Side sitting rooms, and went to party after party.

She was even drunk at the birth of her daughter and admitted as much."Oh, God, goofo I'm drunk. Mark Twain. Isn't she smart—she has the hiccups. I hope it's beautiful and a fool—a beautiful little fool".

The new father wasn't too inebriated to be present for his daughter's birth and the proof is in the plagarism. Daisy Buchanan would later utter the same words to her daughter in The Great Gatsby

 
The Fitzgeralds quickly became accustomed to their new life as parents thanks to the extensive staff they employed of a nurse for Frances ("Scottie"), a couple who cleaned the house, and a laundress - who I like to imagine Zelda never once referred to as a laundry lady in the high-falutin' conversations she likely had with some of her top drawer chums.


It is Zelda's sort of exaggerated WASPishness that made me so curious about her in the first place. I Wiki'd her and my curiosity was rewarded with a sort of recette pour la vie, or Zelda's at least.

(Asked to submit a recipe for a book, she sent them the following.)


"See if there is any bacon, and if there is, ask the cook which pan to fry it in. Then ask if there are any eggs, and if so try and persuade the cook to poach two of them. It is better not to attempt toast, as it burns very easily. Also, in the case of bacon, do not turn the fire too high, or you will have to get out of the house for a week. Serve preferably on china plates, though gold or wood will do if handy".

To be a true flâneuse or if the case applies, a flâneur - means deciding that life is to be lived. It is seizing a moment to be witty instead of admitting you don't know how to cook*. Of course you know what one should serve, but you wouldn't serve it yourself because that would be unspeakable. (GASP!)

But choosing the life of the flâneuse, the bohemian, the vagabond, the layabout, the dandy, the fop, the eccentric - it's not for everybody and it's not always a pretty picture either.  Zelda was in many ways oppressed by her husband.  When she asked for a divorce because she was smitten with another man, F. Scott locked her in the house and didn't let her out again until she agreed to not divorce him. His work isolated a woman who wanted nothing more than to find a creative outlet for herself.  On top of everything Zelda grew increasingly resentful of all the things she'd written that found their way into her husband's work.

When she was approached to write a cheeky review of her husband's new book The Beautiful and The Damned, Zelda it seemed couldn't resist mentioning how her husband edited her words.

To begin with, every one must buy this book for the following aesthetic reasons: First, because I know where there is the cutest cloth of gold dress for only $300 in a store on Forty-second Street, and, also, if enough people buy it where there is a platinum ring with a complete circlet, and, also, if loads of people buy it my husband needs a new winter overcoat, although the one he has has done well enough for the last three years ... It seems to me that on one page I recognized a portion of an old diary of mine which mysteriously disappeared shortly after my marriage, and, also, scraps of letters which, though considerably edited, sound to me vaguely familiar. In fact, Mr. Fitzgerald—I believe that is how he spells his name—seems to believe that plagiarism begins at home.

The review led to offers of work from other magazines, but in the end it was her husband who would be mentioned alongside Hemingway and the other greats of The Lost Generation that they had been a part of while living in France. Zelda would be diagnosed as schizophrenic. Their glamorous life was over. Their famous friends and wealthy admirers now considered them unpleasant company.

Zelda wrote her own book, Save Me the Waltz, in just six weeks and sent it off to the publisher.  When her husband finally read the book he was furious. It was Zelda's autobiography and whilst writing it she had dared to use parts of her life and their life together that Fitzgerald himself had already planned on using for his book Tender is the Night

In the end Zelda's book sold only a little over a thousand copies, less than half of the 3,010 books the publisher had printed because her husband would call her a plagarist (ha!) and a third-rate writer (insecure much?) and force her to revise it until it met his conditions. 

The same man who locked Zelda in the house so she couldn't leave him would leave her in a mental hospital while he went off to Hollywood to write for TV, and where because there may actually be poetic justice in the world he would die from drinking before her and without her.


Eight years later Zelda died while waiting for electroshock therapy as the mental hospital she was living in burned to the ground. She never finished her last book.
 
Their daughter Scottie had the last words of The Great Gatsby inscribed on their headstone - "So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past", but I prefer this line that was 100% Zelda's - "I don't want to live. I want to love first, and live incidentally."


Some flâneuse-eur like myself do like to cook and consider cooking extremely decadent things a school of philosophic thought of its own. It's called yumology.
Read more >>

Test Blog

This is a test. For the next sixty (or thirty) minutes, this blog will conduct a test of the Customizable Blogger System. This is only a test.

Read more >>
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...